Perfectionism

• What is Perfectionism?
• Perfectionism vs. Wholeness
• Reserve Library, HBLL 48 Hour Reserve

What is Perfectionism?

Perhaps no idea creates more distress and pressure than the idea that we must achieve absolute perfection right now! But, you may ask, are we not commanded in the Bible to be "perfect even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect?" Many students enter college with the hope of excelling. Finding themselves surrounded by talented, bright, attractive people, they push harder for perfection academically, socially, physically, as well as perfect utilization of time and resources. Perfection is seen as the price for success and avoidance of disappointments and problems. Instead of feeling joy in their progress, they often experience depression, anxiety, and a constant fear of failure. The original Greek word from which the word "perfect" is translated is telios, which means complete. The infinitive form of the word is teleiono, which means "to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish." The Savior's injunction to be perfect implied a wholeness or completeness that would only be fully attained through the resurrection. President Joseph Fielding Smith further clarified this concept in saying, "Salvation does not come all at once: we are commanded to be perfect even as our Father in heaven is perfect. It will take us ages to accomplish this end, for there will be greater progress beyond the grave, and it will be there that the faithful will overcome all things, and receive all things, even the fullness of the Father's glory." Elder Bruce R. McConkie, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, also elaborated on the process of becoming perfect, saying, "Nobody becomes perfect in this life. Only the Lord Jesus attained that state, and he had an advantage that none of us had. He was the Son of God, and he came into this life with a spiritual capacity and an inheritance that exceeded beyond all comprehension what any of the rest of us was born with." Understanding the difference between a healthy quest for wholeness, growth, and development, as opposed to a frantic drive for perfectionism and absolute flawless performance, is important in good mental health. The Book of Mormon teaches us that "men are that they might have joy." Wholeness, growth, and righteous personal development lead to joy. Perfectionism, on the other hand, is strongly associated with depression, anxiety, fear, and frustration. Psychologists who have studied the link between perfectionism and emotional distress have identified some mental distortions that perfectionists use to interpret their experiences. Perhaps the most common is all-or-nothing thinking. Perfectionists see themselves either as successes or failures with no in between. They forget that growth occurs "line upon line and precept upon precept." A second distortion is basing self-worth on the tyranny of the "shoulds" and "musts." Perfectionists feel that they must never make a mistake and should always perform perfectly in order to be a worthwhile person. The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that a loving Father in heaven values us for our inherent worth and provided the atonement as an opportunity to return to Him. Perfectionists experience excessive shame in making mistakes. They are overly sensitive as to what others think. Success is measured by validation from others and meeting external performance standards. Striving for wholeness, however, recognizes the individual's unique challenges as well as gifts. Appropriate goals are derived from inner awareness. The person can find joy even in small, personal triumphs. Perfectionists punish themselves for making mistakes, and growth may be paralyzed by shame. Individuals striving for wholeness can recognize and learn from mistakes, let go, and move ahead. They are able to use mistakes as part of the learning process. Excelling in all areas of performance is a trap for perfectionists. They believe that unless they do well in every area of their lives, they are inadequate and unworthy. We learn from the scriptures that "all have not every gift given unto them. It is not required that we develop a fullness of all gifts in this life. We are all given weakness to teach us compassion and humility. The Lord asks that development occur in wisdom and order. We are not asked to "run faster than we have strength." Remembering that we are not required by the Lord to be the "swift" nor the "strong" reduces the risk for depression, anxiety, and mental distress. Through "staying in the race," trusting the atonement, and believing in our inherent loveability, we are able to continue the quest for eternal perfection rather than sinking into despair because of perfectionism.

Perfectionism vs. Wholeness

1)	Unreasonable goals	Obtainable, realistic goals
2)	Self worth based on achievements	Self worth is inherent
3)	Can't feel satisfied	Can self-reward
4)	Based on comparisons with others	Recognizes individual uniqueness
5)	Feels unloved and invalidated unless performing well;	Accepts self as valuable while acknowledging human weakness
	Cannot share mistakes without excessive shame.
6)	Excessive fear of failure; chronic	Can accept failure as part of learning process; Able to keep trying.
7)	External standards for success	Goals derived from inner awareness
8)	Goals exceed present performance by a great degree	Goals reflect growth to next stage of progressive development
9)	Cannot find pleasure in progress toward the goal;	Enjoys the "journey"
	Focus only on the outcome
10)	Emphasis is on keeping life under control	Emphasis on keeping life in balance

Reserve Library, HBLL 48 Hour Reserve